I also think hes kind of a jerk for having sex with someone he cant stand. She isnt a woman he wants to be with his entire life. If hes such an awful scumbag, why would you want to force him to be a father. But if you are uninterested in a relationship with him because of his newfound drama then walk away sister. Ill give you a hint it turns into a baby. When its the woman who will suffer the consequences, its the woman who should be vigilant. Im really astounded that you would say something so flippant like women can get support for 20+ years, as if its nothing! iseeshiny She told him she got pregnant on the pill, which I think is a lot of cod wallop. WTF!!!
13 Honest Reasons Guys Think About Their Ex After A Breakup - YourTango Likewise, you could find a wealth of men who paid for children who werent theirs. Courts are loath to do anything but joint custody unless one of the parents is an absolute idiot. Its not fair to create more fucked up human beings by being the father a kid never had; by making them think theres something about them that wasnt good enough. Women dont get off requiring men to do it. The only ones who dont are the ones who dont ask for it and/or whom the court deems is unable or unfit to. IF men want to engage in condomless sex and want a choice (which women DONt have btw, we dont TELL our bodies when we want our eggs fertilized and when we dont, I WISH we could that would be such an intelligent design feature!) And do some growing up before you get involved with someone else. ESSENCE.com is part of ESSENCE Communications, Inc. Having the right to do something OBVIOUSLY doesnt mean its always a good idea. Id confirm that shes actually pregnant
ColorsOfTheWind makes excellent points, and I agree; however, Id quibble with the phrase grown-up problems. And _JSW_, if youre reading this too, thanks for an interesting evening. It doesnt have to toss a ball with you to help with your rehab or take pictures of you with your new arm. He also lowkey blames me because I initiated the breakup. Ive been silent on this website a while, and by and large tend to agree with most of what is said, but I could not sit quiet as people suggested to a) force this man into parenthood, and b) suggest that this woman is incapable of being a single mother. John Rohan But simply disagreeing with others does NOT fit the definition of a troll, not by a long shot. A kid is not a building. Of course there are the people who assert that others have no right to an opinion regarding birth control, abortion, or other actions. I wanted to be the one who had a baby with . Although I cant decide if shes purely a straight-up C.U.N.T. Glad to see youve really listened to fellow commentators, reflection on their contributions carefully and made a meaningful contribution to the DW community. reader, iz07a+, writes (11 March 2010): A
April 9, 2012, 10:29 am. female
And the fact is, biology dictates that women have control once a pregnancy has occurred- not just the legal system. I cant even imagine how a grown man can be deceived into impregnating someone. The guy and the woman had sex. He basically put you out of his mind, then he wanted you to assume his guilt.
5 SIGNS YOUR EX IS IN ONE & WHY THEY FAIL - Natasha Adamo The guy has not opted out of a childs life. And the LW is making it seem as if her poor bf did nothing. The fact that you can find examples of a law being broken doesnt make the law just or valid. April 9, 2012, 7:03 pm, Wait, whoops, no. I noticed you dutifully avoided addressing that. The choice to get pregnant was mutual. If someone ahead of you slams on their brakes because they want to read a billboard and you hit them, Id guess youd be not be upset, because its your fault and youre aware that cars ahead of you can stop at any point. April 10, 2012, 8:54 pm. I dont knowMaybe Im looking at this from the perspective of being an adopted child or having witnessed a friends situation, but I dont think this guy is the worlds worst person like everyone else (but hes still an asshole). Just sayin there are options, oral being only one of them. So, in your opinion, anyone who has sex without wanting to get pregnant is an idiot?. Oops this was meant as a reply to Steve up there!
While We Were on a Break, He Got His Ex Pregnant. Now I'm - The Root Plus Ive noticed that the more calm and rational you keep your comment, the less likely the truly crazies ones are to even respond to you at all. Are women less able to care and provide in todays society? It takes a man to be a father. I just disagree that sexual preference has anything to do with how likely one is to use a condom all the time. She has every right to be shocked and upset about the turn of the events, but the way she is reacting; blaming everything on the woman, judging her, calling HER names, is wrong and she comes off as an immature, witchy teenager. Whether this guy decides to be a part of this childs life or not is up to his conscience.
What Your Breakup Will Tell You About Your Ex-Girlfriend - Luvze They dont see the need to lie about it, Meanwhile, my friends and I who havent gotten HIV all (surprise, surprise!) Francine I dont agree with it, but the beauty of being an American is we both get to have our views. April 9, 2012, 3:07 pm. She didnt rape him. 4. stop stressing so much.many children are born under worse circumstances the guy and his ex its their problem to solve not yours. I cant see how anyone would be upset with a man who agrees with that statement and concludes that he has every right to walk away from the whole situation. She isnt a woman he wants to be with his entire life. Anthony Leonson But let me make a few suggestions Steve. Scan this QR code to download the app now. Life isnt fair. I dont understand the level of anger sparked by this man not wanting to be physically involved in this childs life. No. It may not be widely known among the comment threads of womens advice blogs and other social hangouts but the family law bar is well aware of this issue. and its also appalling that he would order a woman to abort. Both men and women create children. You have a lot of personal issues to deal with, little boy. I mean sure I can relate to the horrible emotions one gets about thinking that their guys (even if hes an ex at this point!) According to pro-choice rhetoric, this man has NOTHING to do with the existence of the child. But when it comes down to it, men have *zero* say in anything having to do with the child how it is raised, where it lives, etc. Its just that all the other concepts that get us to the point of support arent gender blind yet. Women this means the pill or condom or whatever. To be fair, (and Im not at all discrediting what youre saying, because it very well could be true), but no where in the letter does she mention that he did or did not use a condom. Here he chose not to wrap it up now he made a child. He hides me as well as the other girl. That would be the end of any sort of relationship sex. Im simply responding to the information in the letter because, not knowing these people personally, I have nothing else to go on. No one knows if adoptive parents end up being fabulous parents. 1.1K views, 24 likes, 7 loves, 2 comments, 9 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from Shukla Gaming: Steve Wilkos ANGRY Moments all the time i thought so until 1 faithful day, i got pregnant. Bossip Comment Policy reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2008): A
I dont think hed be right to be furious in many possible scenarios that would still fit what was said in this letter, but there are ones that would which I think would cause justifiable fury. lets_be_honest And why do you think shes trying to trap him? Does that suck for some individuals who didnt want it in the first place? April 10, 2012, 5:53 pm, Women have figured that game out, and it sucks. but all those prominent male politicians usually turn out to be gay and not hetero at all.. bittergaymark If that means not being with your boyfriend for the next 9 months to a year, then so be it (I dont think youll die without him). And alimony is given to whichever spouse made less income, not women as a rule. Its not a crime to have unprotected sex, dangerous and irresponsible, but not a crime. I think this post must have been linked somewhere, hence all the men defenders, out to protect a mans right to have indiscriminate sex without consequences. And if by some chance she does get pregnant itll be difficult but theyre going to get married someday anyway so theyll just start their family earlier than planned. There is no way to know this. Everyone is pretty much in agreement there. MOA, ASAP. . I have zero sympathy for for any guy crying about how hes stuck paying for a child he doesnt want. Yep. That is what makes him a douchenozzle. Secondly, it is a medical procedure. Exactly. Oh wow, that was longer than I expected. So give yourself the time you need to work through this experience. I do think that in their blind rage, some of the commenters have backed themselves into the position that men become the property of any woman they sleep with, as well as their exs. April 9, 2012, 9:31 pm. You are able to get through any obstacles on your path. It takes two to tango my dear your boyfriend is as much to blame as this woman. She still doesnt get it, but we tried. Being on the Pill is akin to saying that youre not interested in having children, so I think its not completely invalid for him to assume she wasnt ready to have children, and to be angry when he ends up being forced into fatherhood. This is clearly a heated topic, so Im not sure were all being purely logical about it. iseeshiny Or, hey, maybe they were both tested, maybe they were both clean, and maybe he believed her, and maybe she actually was on the pill. If women insist on compelling child support from the man, then dont whine if society insists that women support the child until birth. April 10, 2012, 7:15 pm. Youre asking them to have a medical procedure and abort their unborn child. Iwannatalktosampson First of all, they knew each other for two months, not two minutes. April 9, 2012, 5:17 pm. Welp, he didnt run after you, and instead he ran to another woman for comfort and now she is pregnant. Men get to abandon freely and pay no child support if they dont want anything to do with the kid? While it would be ridiculous to only have sex if you intended to conceive a child, it should still be in the back of everyones mind that it *can* happen, and if so, the woman, whos burdened with the pregnancy, gets to make the final call. Its not the situation, but the way its written. Both have to accept responsibility for that. Like I said, step back and evaluate this situation as if you were an outsider.
Heartbroken People Share Ludicrous Ways They've Been Dumped You dont honestly believe that logic that applies to one situation should be applied to all situations, do you? You said it better, but I jumped back in before seeing your replies. Because the one who is raising the kid is obviously already supporting it. He doesnt want anything to do with her? Yet when it came to her most recent boyfriend, John . My only real advice is along the lines with what the other posters have already said. Please read our Comment Policy before commenting. but he wants me and wants to marry me as he said all along Please let your sons know that, whether you agree that its fair or not, that is the way it works because if they end up whining about paying to support a kid with their DNA it will accomplish nothing but to make them look ignorant. So, if MEN can be compelled to support children after rape, you must also support the idea that WOMEN can be compelled to support that child in the womb after THEY get raped. 2023 ESSENCE Communications Inc. All Rights Reserved. They like to entrap men, too. But to me, it sounds like youre misdirecting your anger. This guy, you can most definitely live without. Life had another plan, and be glad you get to see who he is and how you dodged the bullet. When he got back together with her, he should have had himself tested for STDs, which hopefully he did. This is a process and it's got a lot of risks. And that, fair or not, men do not have the option to compel an abortion or opt out of their financial obligation for any resulting children. He seems to be playing into a lot of her fantasies, plus providing a ready excuse why hell never have any money. After that, its not your choice anymore. That reasoning, btw, comes from Karen DeCrow, feminist attorney and former president of NOW. Apparently not him, because the LW never says he ordered her to abort. pretty sure he is actually an extreme pro-lifer who is playing into his rhetoric backwards. In fact, it may not even be anger you feel, but hurt or you feel threatened by this pregnancy. But being on the pill is not akin to saying I will choose to have an abortion should a pregnancy occur. It doesnt matter how nicely you do it. They are babies. A condoms like 50 cents. Against it? 5. No one called him a criminal. she doesnt have to be unlucky or a liar to be taking her pills incorrectly. So, in your opinion, anyone who has sex without wanting to get pregnant is an idiot? Parasites are all the same. It will have feelings too. I have nothing against casual sex or sex without a relationship, but you should still have some sort of base level of respect for the people you are banging. But if YOU really are so fucked up and so pathetic that you want to build a life with a man who for intents are purposes wants to simply abandon his own child have at it. Oh, and im missing the misogyny in that child support comment. I think its more like HIV sufferers are more likely to be honest about how they got it because there isnt a societal blind eye for bullshitting about your personal responsibility for ending up in the predicament. I know plenty of women who are exemplary parents. When I was on the pill, my ex boyfriend STILL used condoms to make sure it was safe. My boyfriend and I lived in different states and after years together, my worst nightmare came true: he cheated on me and ended up having a baby with the other woman. SMDH! LMAO.
My boyfriend got another girl pregnant. What should we do? April 9, 2012, 4:55 pm. And now onto you, ummmm you say he cant bare to be without you and never loved anyone as much as he loves you.well his actions sure say otherwise. only an ass would be furious at anyone other than himself when he becomes obligated to provide for a child that he created.. Seriously. Calling the women here honey is pretty condescending, Steve. He let you go. I doubt the conversation went like: Please have an abortion. Would you tell the parents that you would gladly pay for the funeral, but you want nothing else to do with what happened, and that you are going to go live your life like nothing did? In my experience, both men and women tend to blame their romantic competitor for everything, no matter where the fault lies (have you ever seen the Jerry Springer show?). After 7 months I moved back, but upon moving back he made a confession to me. ReginaRey thats why both parties should be concerned about preventing pregnancy because you have no idea what the other person is doing. I just found out 4 days ago that my ex got a girl pregnant. I think whatever scorn youre heaping onto this woman you should deal evenly to your boyfriend. Who the hell else is clicking that button??! April 10, 2012, 11:41 am. All we know is that he will be paying for it but wants nothing to do with it. How many times have we read articles like that and think to ourselves couldnt you have just left the baby with family or at the hospital rather than kill it.. Definitely do a paternity test to be sure but if he follows through with not being a part of the childs life, hes a scumbag. iseeshiny When I hit the ground, I jumped up, pulled the safety clip off the release assembly and slapped it. Addie Pray 99 % of people would necessarily mean about 99 % of women. Let this be a learning lesson for everyone male and female. Im waiting for the moral and mental gymnastics that say its OK to force a man to spend 18 years paying to provide a good life for the result of his error in judgement, but its not OK to force a woman to spend nine months working to simply give life to the result of her error in judgement. I know it is hard since you love this guy to see how reprehensible he is. lets_be_honest Ive done too many drugs and Id never write a letter like this XD.
Has your childs father left you during pregnancy then came back? They should be used. The woman accepts the ejaculate what she does with it is now her business, and her business alone. Theyve both made their choice. The fact that he doesnt means hes no good for either of you. Theres a fun scenario. Rachelgrace53 Or that the person youve known for two minutes and are now having sex with is being honest with you about anything. reader, lisa4mark+, writes (15 May 2008): A
They should act responsibly. That line of reasoning is fine but condescending only for those who never in their entire lives have ever done anything that might have resulted in something unexpected (and unwanted) happening. So go control them all you please. . But coke didnt mean for its bottle to explode and take your arm off either. Just because hes willing to pay child support doesnt mean hes not a deadbeat and who would want to be with the kind of boy who would abandon his child. I ended up feeling sorry him, and I started talking to him again, but2 weeks laterhe said the pregnant girl was threatening to hurt herself and he was going to be with her and that he cared too much about her and his unborn child to not try to work it out. "The best way to move through a breakup while pregnant is to let the feelings flow," says McDermott. But what a guy usually doesn't take into consideration is that a lot has happened after the breakup. Now? Anyway, people are calling him scum for having unprotected sex with a woman he was dating. What a laugh. LW, you need to take time to look at what you want in your life. The pull out method? I am very much in love with my husband and believe him when he says he loves me too. And its not because either sex is evil or worse than the other. I've always felt like I was put on this planet to be a mom, but when . Dont get me wrong, the child should be taken care of and taken responsibility for but it can never be the reason why you do or dont stay together that decision should be based purely on the possibility for a good relationship between you grown ups. April 9, 2012, 9:55 am. Seriously? April 9, 2012, 9:58 am. I was devastated. I am sorry, but that is just dumb. But I think shes tried to trap him and hes untrappable. For what its worth, Im a married guy and a father. April 9, 2012, 5:48 pm. Do something to not have one! Steve Kellmeyer Seriously, that is your interpretation of the male thought process? But thats a crime? Why you waste any time belly aching about how unfair it is, is beyond me. So, yes, I can see why hed be furious. P.S. Find someone without baggage. You deserve better. If men abandon a child, you have a child with needs that take precedent over fairness to the abandoning parent. Its not that fucking hard. reader, Lisa Belize+, writes (22 September 2009): A
He made his position very clear very early on. Hold the phone.
I'm very upset that my ex girlfriend got pregnant by her new boyfriend Which is not true. But even though I led you to believe I didnt want to become pregnant, Im going to have the baby anyway and thereby obligate you to two decades of support.. How about getting to know one another really well before having sex? theQuietOne Im also a longtime lurker who was a little taken aback by all the vitriol aimed at this mans head. But everyday it breaks my heart knowing I'm not going to be the top priority. But anyway, in case its not fake if this guy isnt lying about only knowing this woman for two minutes then yeah, shes an idiot for wanting to keep the baby. I dont have an opinion on your status of human or troll via DW forums. Also, it implies that using a condom prevents pregnancy. I dont know if hes a bad guy or not since we only have the ex-girlfriends side of the story. And because a mans physical committment to the pregnancy ends after coming, the woman gets to make the call. ColorsOfTheWind I would MUCH rather this guy walk away now then be stuck with a screaming baby he doesnt care for and end up throwing it off a bridge. And with that said, he should confirm the woman is indeed pregnant and get a paternity test when the child is born. I spoke with him a second time after many missed calls and he seemed really upset about his situation and begged me to talk to him. Pretty sure this: and he is furious with this woman for keeping the baby is the browbeat part. Were also stuck with either A) experiencing an abortion or B) going through a pregnancy. The decision to have sex is NOT a decision to have a child. Like if the guy is unconscious or doesnt know how babies are made? You know, I dont have much patience this morning,. If I polled my high school, and under Forms of Contraception I included Pulling Out, Im estimating (based on the number of children at my last reunion) that would be about 70% of respondents methods. If he doesnt think hed be a good dad, he probably wont be. And more amazement with people who just cant live without a relationship with someone who has no concern about coitus with people outside of matrimony with people they just met.. This whole thing could have been prevented that way. Hi. My hand has never been comfortable in cooler weather ever since.. At a minimum LW needs to take a wait and see attitude. No matter what happens, if you open a bottle of coca-cola and it explodes, taking off your arm in the process, Coke pays you damages for it. They came first. So, if she opted for an abortion and he was furious with her for not keeping the baby, would he be scum? But I have no tolerance for the ones who cry foul after the fact when it hasnt gone their way. Its painfully obvious. Only the woman did. And if so, Im ready. He actually did believe he was the dad, which means he actually did cheat with this other woman. Do whats best for you, as difficult as that is. Frankly, it astounds me more of you dont think its a shockingly cunt-ified thing to do. Your welcome. I speak "strongly" sometimes beca. He knew it but was willing to take that risk just like any man does when they engage in sex with a woman. Chuck(le) Bless your heart. I cant tell you how many children have grown up thinking something was wrong with THEM because they had a parent who didnt want them.. If he doesnt own up to his part in creating a child, sorry, I think hes a jerk. Once you decide to have sex you are basically saying that you realize pregnancy is a possibility. That should have been the end of it. Though I doubt thats what they really believe. How long his new relationship has lasted. He ordered her to get an abortion? The only innocent victim in this situation is that poor child. I know youre just trying to tell us that the little scroat wont be able to trap him, buttttt it looks like you cant hold onto him either? We only have sex if were ready to be a father? It could fail. I havent, and even though I am 110% pro-choice, Im not sure if its something I could actually do. reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2008): A
You are arguing for NO abortion in cases of rape.. End. I agree that condoms provide significantly better protection than not wearing anything.
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